ColieCo

Reading The Vice Guide To Being Totally Crushed Out. J & Q are my favorites. HA!

J: JERKING OFF ABOUT HER
This magic act does two things:

1) When you are beating off about her, it sends magic threads through the cosmos that inevitably clasp on to her ear and make her feel this kind of “Whoa, tee-hee, what was that?” thing that feels exactly like an inner tickle.

2) After masturbating about her 16 times, she is basically your girlfriend (in your head). Therefore, the next time you see her you’ll be all laid-back and casual, touching her shoulder and saying, “What’s going on?” in a relaxed, long-term boyfriend kind of way. How could you be uncomfortable around a woman who, just last night, was on her knees in white high heels and turquoise socks BEGGING to feel your cum in her mouth (with Béatrice Dalle tied up behind her, masturbating).

Q: QUIET TIME
One of the biggest mistakes guys make after meeting a crushed-out girl is talking too much. They should take Hemingway’s advice: “The one lesson I’ve learned about women over the years is how to shut up. The things they imagine you are thinking are far better than anything you could come up with on your own.” But my friend Mike says, “Don’t stop talking, just keep talking and talking and talking right up until you’re talking to them in your bed.” I think Mike’s method is good for the first lay, and then you go with Hemingway after you’ve boned her.